CYBER STALIN?
Bill Gates hit out in a recent interview at those who use the internet to get free films, songs and games as 'modern-day sort of communists who want to get rid of the incentive for musicians and moviemakers and software makers.' Corporate Watch reporters were unable to find any downloaders to reply to this accusation, as they were all to busy burning bootlegged Red Army marching songs. 'Communism' is often used by US businessmen as a handy label for anything they think limits their ability to make profits. Microsoft itself hardly promotes a 'free' market in software, and, stale Cold War rhetoric aside, Bill might do worse than to take a look at the original Communist Manifesto, in which Marx and Engels noted that 'What the bourgeoisie, therefore, produces above all, is its own gravedigger.' Is Gates' real worry that his own computer revolution has likewise created an international class that no longer needs him?
JUDDERY JAVA JUNKIES When the tap water became unsafe to drink in Phoenix, Arizona, the local Starbucks couldn't provide thirsty shoppers with their much-needed coffee -- one declaring 'I'm desperate...I told them, "I don't even care about the water. I'll sign a waiver."' Quite a thirst...quite an addiction! That's guaranteed product loyalty. While cooking up their cup of contamminated brown with shaking hands, desperate Starbucks customers will be delighted to think that they are taking part in a legal, officially endorsed drug hait. Our stressed-out little island alone spent £738 million on coffee last year, and people are known to get A BIT RATTY if they are denied their daily doses. Colombian druglords are believed to be composing their letters of praise to Starbucks as we go to press.
DOES A LOT OF WORK FOR CHARIDEE - DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT As the earthquake sent a tide of destruction thoughout South East Asia, some people were glued to their TV screens in horror. Others looked at it and thought 'marketing opportunity!' The fact that it is these people who are in charge may indicate why we're in such a mess, globally speaking. As millions of people rushed to give money and time -- with the poorest usually giving the highest proportion -- corporations queued up to use the situation to look good. One example was the JCB Tsunami Appeal, in which members of the public were asked to cut out and send a coupon to JCB and they would then donate £10. Aside from the emotional blackmail implicit in this technique -- ('say you like me! I won't give any money to the children unless you say you like me!') we have to wonder why JCB didn't simply work out how much they could afford to give and then send it in -- without waiting to put expensive adverts in the national press first. Cynical people will guess an answer. As the late Bill Hicks said, 'If anyone here tonight is in marketing: kill yourself. I mean it, kill yourself.'
JUDDERY JAVA JUNKIES When the tap water became unsafe to drink in Phoenix, Arizona, the local Starbucks couldn't provide thirsty shoppers with their much-needed coffee -- one declaring 'I'm desperate...I told them, "I don't even care about the water. I'll sign a waiver."' Quite a thirst...quite an addiction! That's guaranteed product loyalty. While cooking up their cup of contamminated brown with shaking hands, desperate Starbucks customers will be delighted to think that they are taking part in a legal, officially endorsed drug hait. Our stressed-out little island alone spent £738 million on coffee last year, and people are known to get A BIT RATTY if they are denied their daily doses. Colombian druglords are believed to be composing their letters of praise to Starbucks as we go to press.
DOES A LOT OF WORK FOR CHARIDEE - DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT As the earthquake sent a tide of destruction thoughout South East Asia, some people were glued to their TV screens in horror. Others looked at it and thought 'marketing opportunity!' The fact that it is these people who are in charge may indicate why we're in such a mess, globally speaking. As millions of people rushed to give money and time -- with the poorest usually giving the highest proportion -- corporations queued up to use the situation to look good. One example was the JCB Tsunami Appeal, in which members of the public were asked to cut out and send a coupon to JCB and they would then donate £10. Aside from the emotional blackmail implicit in this technique -- ('say you like me! I won't give any money to the children unless you say you like me!') we have to wonder why JCB didn't simply work out how much they could afford to give and then send it in -- without waiting to put expensive adverts in the national press first. Cynical people will guess an answer. As the late Bill Hicks said, 'If anyone here tonight is in marketing: kill yourself. I mean it, kill yourself.'